News with Gina! Tum, Tum-Tumm, Tum, Tuuum!

"Hi, I'm Gina with Breaking News today. The police have discovered the body of the beloved, Cassandra Hernandez. At her young age, her abrupt and untimely demise seems to have come at the worst possible time- this has happened only a day after her embarrassing display at her school’s “Fake the Track” competition. She appeared on stage in a drunken manner, nearly killing her dance partner, Gina. Her motive is unknown, but before the administration could drag her off the stage in an overdramatic show of intervention and correction, she ripped of all of her clothes and began dancing exotically for the audience. Back to the story at hand, Cassandra was seen last in the company of the person going by the name “Brucey,” his true identity unknown. Strangely enough, when news spread of her death, the rain ceased and crimes have abruptly stopped. Everyone seems… happy! And miracles are happening everywhere. Look, over there, you can see Michael Jackson! So, people mourn her death, but these abrupt changes in the world are hard to ignore! Oh my gosh, are you serious? I just heard from a reliable source that wars and disputes have been resolved in every country around the world! World peace has been established! And best of all, it's been discovered that there are no more grammar mistakes, ANYWHERE! No more sentences that no one can understand! And this concludes our broadcast.”

Random person sitting on their couch at home: “Beloved? You lost me there.”