Gina's First Script, Act II: At The Psychic

Cassandra (asking Madame Gina) "Wow! Can you really tell people's future's?"

Madame Gina (in an accusing, superior tone) "Yes, I can. Are you questioning my legitimacy?"

Cassandra (speaking almost as if pleading for forgiveness from the amazing Gina) "No, no, not at all! I worship you're awesomeness!" (goes to her knees on the ground before Madame Gina in worship)

Madame Gina (staring at Cassandra like she's a crazy mytch): "Don't let it happen again. Okay, let's get on with the reading..."

(Cassandra stands and they make their way back to the dark room at the end of the hall...)

Cassandra: "So... Do I sit down or...?"

Madame Gina: "Or what? Are you going to dance around exotically? Just sit your fat butt down before I put you out!"

Cassandra (unnecessarily curtsies like a freak and finally sits down): "Lo siento, senorita."

Madame Gina (angrily): "What do you take me for? I don't speak Spanish! And even if I did, you'd better believe you wouldn't be calling me "senorita." Yea, I know what that means! You better watch your mouth before I slap it off your face!"

Cassandra (eyes go wide, shakes her hands and head furiously, trying to convey that she wasn't insulting Madame, but her ridiculous movements are just making her look stupid): "No! You don't understand!"

Madame Gina: "Oh, I understand! Shut up! Now! (mumbles) ... stupid teenagers... mytch..."

Cassandra (decides to shut her mouth before she digs her hole any bigger): "I'm sorry, Madame Gina. Continue with your reading."

Madame Gina (grabs Cassandra's palm roughly and studies it): "Oh, wow. Hmm. Yes. Mmhhmm. Uh huh. *curses explicitly* Wow, yo' future's messed up! I feel bad for you!"

Cassandra: "What?!"

Madame Gina: "Okay, this is your future: It will be your wedding day. Your limo is supposed to pick you up at your hotel, but it will never show up, so you to hitch a ride. The only person who passes will be an old guy on a goat, so you hop on. He leads you to a barn and rapes you. From there, you'll find yourself on a stone path. You'll be walking on the left side of the road, just over the top of a hill, and a car will hit you. You'll roll off the side of a cliff and into the ocean where you will float to Italy. In Italy, you will be found by an "Anything Goes" prostitute trafficking warehouse. They refuse you because of your horrible defect and fat butt. You are thrown into the street and a potato is dropped from the sky onto your head, and you'll be unconscious. When you wake up, you'll be with your groom, but he takes one look at you and retreats from your presence. You go crazy and run onto the highway to get hit by a car, but that already happened to you once, so of course something else has to happen. Evidently, you are allergic to peanuts, so in a twisted turn of events that we all have been waiting for, some random guy sees you- I think his name is Pooh? Anyway, he comes to your rescue and you tell him how hungry you are. He runs to the nearest convenience store, but they have no food to give to fat and ugly people (you, Cassandra in this case). So, unknowingly, he takes a jar of peanut butter out of the trash can to feed you. Finally, he will shove it in your mouth with a fork from the garbage, trying to save you, but you die from an allergic reaction to peanut butter after getting raped, hit by a car, rolling off a cliff, being put into prostitute trafficking and denied, having a potato dropped on your head, and losing your groom."

Cassandra: "Wow, really?"

(Madame Gina gets up and starts beating Cassandra up; she slaps her mouth off, tears her hair tie out, and rips her socks off)

Madame Gina: I told you not to question my legitimacy, mytch." (turns to leave the room, but turns around) "Fail. Epic Fail."